2013

Good-bye is not forever.

Every piece of our history molds us; every action, every decision, every spoken word becomes a part of our future.  This is why I can not say good-bye to 2013.  Please understand, there are many components of 2013 I would love to forget.  I had my fair share of devastation, sadness, struggles, loss of loved ones, things I said, mistakes I made…  However, there were just as many celebrations. 

Each one of us is “Running our own Life”. 

Take chances – it may change your life.  Believe – every thing happens for a reason.  
Life is short – love the people who treat you right and pay no mind to those who do not.  
Exercise – it is a key ingredient of life.  
Dance – by yourself, with a loved one, with your kids, with your grand kids, just dance.

2014 is going to be an amazing year.  My New Year’s resolution stays the same and is three-fold: Learn, Travel & Experience.  Each year I vow to learn something new, travel to a place I have never been, and experience something wonderful.  When I reflect back on the previous years, I am humbled at the levels this resolution always takes me. 

Here are my highlights from 2013.

·        I participated in 8 running events and joined a running club – fun events with friends and family, virtual events with people I have never met, and my first time achievement of an Ultra Marathon.

·        Our grandsons, Jacob and Jaxon, spent over a month with us this fall – precious memories were made.

·        I traveled to Germany and had my first vacation with my daughters as young adults – they are FUN, ADVENTUROUS, BEAUTIFUL girls.

·        My son-in-law returned safely from his deployment to Afghanistan – each deployment is just as difficult as the last and I spend every day praying for his safety and return.

·        We attended our first NASCAR race – as a non-NASCAR fan I thoroughly enjoyed the experience.

·        I traveled to Asheville, NC where I found yet another hidden treasure of our beautiful United States.

·        We added Layla to our family – a sweet, fast growing, a little stubborn at times, Daniff puppy.

·        I took the opportunity to speak and educate the importance of planned giving & board development for the Association of Healthcare Philanthropy and Association of Montana Healthcare Providers conferences.

·        I spent the spring semester teaching online for Bismarck state college – my 4^th year.  I believe the students have taught me just as much, if not more, then I have taught them.

·        I learned to drive a Skid-steer.  Now if I can just talk him into letting me play with it as much as I want – Oh, the landscaping projects I could start!!

Happy New Year friends!  May this coming year be filled with laughter, love and Blessing for all of you.

To free the soul

"The free soul is rare

but you know it when you see it - 

basically because you feel good, 

very good, when you are near or with them". 

                                 ~ Charles Bukowski

A good friend once said, "life can be good without being perfect".  When things become difficult, I remind myself of her wisdom. 

Once in a great while, the stars align and you find your soul is free - the world is perfect.  You look into the eyes of the person you are with and it takes your breath away.  The free soul is not to be captured and held on to forever.  It is to be cherished and recognized for what it is - it belongs to us only briefly.   

During my runs, I am surrounded with solitude and silence; allowing me to reconnect to the perfect times in my life.  I take my thoughts back and relive the moments when my soul was free.  And I feel good, very good...

Czar

Yesterday, we laid to rest my running partner, my friend, the one who knew my every secret and confession, the one that loved me unconditionally...Czar, a Great Dane/Mastiff mix.

I have always had a dog, often times more than one dog at a time for companionship.  My pets have always been a part of the family and are treated with love, patience and respect.  Czar was special - the first few weeks that Czar joined our home, he displayed traits of compassion, trust and healing.  I started bringing him to the office with me.  He instantly would identify the people who may be sick, sad or lonely.  He would lay at their feet, not asking or begging to be pet.  Czar would calmly and silently lay next to them.  Without fail, often without realizing it themselves, a hand would lower and pat Czar on the head.  We witnessed, day in and day out, the healing qualities Czar offered to those in need.

Czar instinctively knew the people that would not tolerate the presence of a dog.  When those people arrived at the office, he would retreat quietly into my office and wait for them to leave.

Because of his breed, it was imperative to keep him from running and jumping the first year of his life.  Great Danes and Mastiffs grow at such a fast pace the muscles and ligaments have a hard time staying caught up with their growth.  Czar did not become my running partner until the spring of 2013.  He helped me train for my first ultra marathon.  He motivated me to run when I felt I could not run another step.  He found pleasure in the sights and smells offered by trail running, always so proud when he came across a grouse, deer, and a couple times even a lone coyote.  With Czar by my side, I felt safe.  

A tragic accident led to the indescribable, difficult decision of parting with my four legged friend.  October 23, 2013, with Czar's head on my lap and tears streaming down my cheeks, we said our final good-bye.  In mere hours, my phone, email, and social media was flooded with condolences and sadness of Czar's passing.  Over a 100 people shared their sympathy and stories.  Czar was special.  Czar made an impact in so many lives.  The happiness and healing he brought to so many in our community is a model to live by.

RIP, my four legged friend...Thank you for the lessons in humanity.

  

October

It's been 16 years....the daily fear dissipated into weekly fear, then monthly.  Today, the fear comes only occasionally. Yet, when it rears its ugly head, it is as realistic as the day(s) the acts of violence occurred.

The fear is triggered by smell, a sight, a noise.  More often than not, I am unsure of the trigger.  My body involuntarily reacts with cold sweats, nightmares and withdrawing from loved ones.  I have no control when the past will return to my daily life. What I learned 16 years ago, and what I practice today, is though my physical state reacts involuntarily, my mental state and my life are what I can control.

16 years ago, the love of my children, the "mama bear" instinct was more powerful than the violence my husband was prone to.  Until that day, the acts of violence happened behind closed doors.  No one saw, no one heard and I was too embarrassed to tell.  16 years ago, I was pushed up against the wall with his fingers wrapped around my neck, choking off my life, choking off my very existence in front of my children.  The look of fear from my daughters pierced my soul and gave me the strength to escape and call for help.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month.  October is my birthday month.  I celebrate the entire month.  I lived to see another birthday in 1997.  I lived to see 16 more birthdays of my children.  I now have grandchildren and am able to celebrate their birthdays.   I am free, I am alive, I am "RUNNING my LIFE"...what better reason to celebrate the entire month of my birthday.

Zen Energy

"We create energy every day, and it has to be used every day.  You cannot accumulate it; you cannot be a miser about it.  Use the energy and you will feel calm. That calmness will be totally different than a forced stillness. The more energy you use, the more fresh energy will become available.  So find ways to use your energy - games, jogging, running - and delight in it."

As summer transforms to fall and fall transforms to winter, what becomes of our daily energy?  Challenges will exist. The battle of cold, wind and snow attempts to drag our body and mind down a dark, lazy road.

Today, as the sun shines and the warm dog days of summer are upon us, decide how to use your daily energy through the winter months. Visualize it, plan for it...calmness will prevail and fresh energy will continue to generate the entire year.

Strength and Beauty

All new experiences and successes introduce fond memories and stories.  During the Bighorn Mountain Wild and Scenic Trail run, I was able to reconnect with a childhood friend.  After more than 30 years of losing touch the power of social media reconnected us and we discovered we were both running in the same ultra marathon.  How fun to revisit childhood memories and find our interests and passions as adults are similar.

My Dad and my best friend, Patience traveled with me and supported me as ground crew for this event.  Making new memories and having this story to share with them reminds me of how blessed I am.

The outpouring of support from family, friends and the community was inspiring.  I specifically dedicated each mile to those who have provided me with encouragement.  The first 5 miles to my kids and grandkids.  Then, as the miles went on, my Dad, Mike, my siblings, family, Patience, friends, my co-workers…each mile melted away as I reflected on the struggles and sacrifices made by the amazing people in my life.  I’m not going to lie, standing at the start line at 6am in the brisk mountain air; I was moved to tears as a single baritone voice sang the National Anthem, holding the American Flag.  The freedom I feel running is a direct reflection of the freedom our American soldiers fight for each and every day.

When I tumbled head over heels at mile 16, I was greeted with the most beautiful Monarch butterfly I had ever seen.  The Monarch gently brushed the skin on my arm not afraid.  As I dusted myself off, tentatively walking and eventually returning to a jog, the Monarch continued to follow me along the trail until I arrived two miles later at the aid station. 

“A Butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam and for a brief moment its glory and beauty belong to our world…but, then it flies on again, and although we wished it could have stayed, we are so thankful to have seen it at all.”

(http://sweetbutterflystory.blogspot.com)  

Thank you Audry for giving me the strength I needed in the moment.

My Ultra Experience

The ultra experience:  The greatest distance I had ever run was 26.2 miles, a full marathon in Phoenix, AZ.  Trail running in an ultra is no comparison, especially in the Bighorns of Wyoming.  I have never experienced such a vast amount of beauty over the course of a day.  Wildflowers as far as the eye could see in every shade of blue, purple and yellow…simply breathtaking!  The trail varied from loose rock, dusty paths, creek crossings, narrow paths no different than cattle paths on a ranch in eastern Montana to ATV roads.  I did a few things right and many things wrong during my first ultra marathon.

Things I did right: 

·        I wore running pants.  As I looked around at the start line, I was the only person in pants – everyone else wore shorts.  However, the temperature was a whopping 38 degrees at the top of the mountain and I am a wimp when it comes to the cold.  Secondly, when I wiped out at mile 16, my pants literally saved me from tearing my knees wide open. 

·        I trained.  I set up a training regiment and followed it fairly close.  Physically it was helpful and mentally it was powerful.  As I looked around at the elite athletes I was running with, my brain did not beat me up.  I knew I had the endurance to finish the race along side each of the other lean, mean running machines. 

·        I did not wear a watch.  This was a conscience decision but not an easy one.  Since it was my first ultra experience, I made the decision to listen to my body rather than letting the watch and time dictate and possibly push me beyond my ability.  I missed the cutoff time by 15 minutes at mile 34 to be able to continue the remaining 16 miles.  However, I arrived at mile 34 safely and feeling strong.  Safety throughout this event was truly my main goal. 

Mistakes I made:

·        I lost my package of wet wipes out of my running belt.  Refer to number 6 below.  What I learned from this experience is to shake off the innovative grass usage.  I discovered first hand where the term “ants in your pants” originated.

·        Wear a watch.  I know, I know…this contradicts above.  However, being shy only 15 minutes I easily could have adjusted my speed to ensure I would have made the cutoff time.

·        I packed way too much food in my drop bags.  We were allowed 2 drop bags.  One was waiting for us at mile 18 and one at mile 34.  The aid stations along the way were well equipped with wonderful food, power bars, electrolyte supplements and fruit.  Next time I would pack only my change of socks, shoes and wet wipes.

My friend and fellow ultra marathon participant, Kristin Mattocks summed up the experience below.  I think she nailed it!!

0. Most people don't do nearly enough training for their ultra, and they are fine. Or, people do a kind of training that you wouldn't expect to be successful, and they kick your butt. For example, my new friend Connie didn't run a single step before this weekend's ultra. ...Instead, she did months of power hikes in Wyoming and kicked my butt in the race. Go figure!! She's a rock star.

1. Most people walk a good bit of the race; except the really good people, of course. You're supposed to walk up all the big hills. Believe me, it’s a relief to see so many people walking.

2. You'll never find better food than in an ultra. Some examples of aid station tables: bacon, grilled cheese, cheeseburgers, Fig Newtons, jelly beans, peanut butter and jelly, turkey and cheese sandwiches, Mountain Dew, M&Ms, gummy bears.

3. Ultra folks drink a lot of beer the night before the race.

4. Ultra folks drink a lot of beer after the race.

5. The starting line is totally laid back. Nobody is in any kind of hurry to get out of the gate quickly. And, you'll never meet a nicer bunch of folks then those crazies who run ultras.

6. There are no porta pottties along the way, so you've gotta be creative.

7. Its best to run with somebody you like rather than alone. It’s also perfectly acceptable to tell long, never-ending stories that focus on: your childhood, your marriages, your childbirth experiences, songs that you like, concerts you wish you had attended, and other irrelevant pieces of information that take up a lot of time. The longer the story, the better.

8. If you see a lawn chair or some other comfy place to sit at an aid station, DO NOT SIT DOWN. It is a trick to get you to drop out of the race.

9. Nobody cares how you did in the race. Its all about finishing. And the food. And the beer afterwards.

10. Know that you will not be able to walk like a normal person for a week. In fact, city curbs will become the biggest obstacle you've seen in months.

11. Once you try an ultra, you'll be back for many, many more. What better way to see some of the most beautiful backcountry in the US, eat crap, and meet great people?

One more lap

It is 8 hours from start time.  I have trained. I have set a goal. I can visualize the finish. One step at a time and never give up. The recipe for success.

Girl Power

Girl Power…….I am an 80’s child.  The first memorable experience with girl power was the pastel colored t-shirts with the iron on, glitter transfer that stated “Girl Power” in capital letters.  We wore them proudly and obviously possessed “Girl Power” to not get beat up wearing something so hideous. 

Today, I look at the women in my life and realize the “Girl Power” we possessed in 1982 was only the beginning of the amazing, strong, motivational women that would surround me as an adult. 

What would you do if you were not afraid?

According to Webster Dictionary fear is "That which causes, or which is the object of, apprehension or alarm; source or occasion of terror; danger; dreadfulness."

What if the word "fear" did not exist? What if the emotion associated with fear did not exist?

Try this test....write down the first thing that pops into your mind when asked "What would you do if you were not afraid?"  How did that feel?  Great, until you started thinking about it, right?!?  At least, that is how I felt the first time I did the exercise. Then apprehension sneaks in and I started telling myself all the reasons it could not be accomplished.

Did you know we talk to ourselves more than anyone else in this world?  So, I made the common sense part of my brain prevail and explained to myself I was causing artificial stress.  There is no reason in the world why you can not accomplish what you wrote down.  Sure, there would be obstacles along the way, so what!!!  Think of how great you will feel when you accomplish it.  Focus on THAT feeling.  Your goal has been set, now break it down into achievable steps.  Celebrate each step along the way.

I will be running 50 miles in less than 2 weeks.  When I complete that goal, the feeling of elation will be beyond words.  If something happens and I am unable to complete it, I am still in the best shape of my life.  Now that is something to celebrate!!

Sea to Shining Sea

I've lived on the prairies
watched the wheat rise and fall
seen the sun set in a sea of blazing color

I've lived in the desert
... came to appreciate the simplicity of it all
heard the thunder race across the desert floor

I've stood on a mountain top in awe
looking out over a plateau covered with
thousands of antelope

I understand now the words
from Sea to Shining Sea

~ Traveler

Life

I met a retired professor last week; an intelligent, witty, personable man. As we spoke, it was evident our passion for learning and life paralleled the other.  This world is full of wonderful surprises like that. 

Take the time to speak to a stranger.  Surround yourself with a group of diversified individuals whom are positive role models, people striving to make a difference and people making attempts to better themselves for no other reason than to better themselves from the day before. 

Before you know it a day, a week, a year passes...then decades; but, while time passes the stories, relationships and memories established will be fuel for Running the rest of your Life!

"Friends are the Family We Choose for Ourselves"

Freedom

Today is Autism Awareness Day.  My family has been blessed to have a number of families in our life who has a child on the Autism Spectrum. What we have learned from these families is endless.  My daughters are, in part, who they are today because of the love they learned from each one of these children.

I recall one story in particular from my daughter....she was doing respite work for a young child with autism that had a habit of running.  Though the family was absolutely terrified when this happened, my daughter described this young lady as completely elated and full of giggles while she was running.

I can only imagine the feeling of freedom this young lady felt while sprinting down the block when so much of her life could be frustrating and misunderstood.

My run tonight was dedicated to those families and their amazing children.  I tried, to the best of my ability, to achieve the same sense of freedom running as the young lady my daughter worked with.  I think I did.

I encourage all of you to take a moment this week and learn one simple fact about Autism.  "The prevalence of Autism is now 1 in 50."

Family

Family is my inspiration.  It always has been and it always will be.  Family is my constant in a world of chaotic pandemonium.  How is it, with hundreds to thousands of miles seperating us, when inspiration, motivation or just a simple "I love you" is needed; family senses those needs and sends a note, or text, or email, or picks up the phone to call???  Utterly amazing.........

Today, 7:30am, my sister sends me the following text:

"Here's your quote of the day.  'I am in competition with no one.  I run my own race.  I have no desire to play the game of being better than anyone, in any way, shape or form.  I just aim to improve, to be better than I was before.  That's me and I'm free.'"

Each day contains pressures and expectations on a multitude of levels.  The human individual is pulled in a million directions, expected to rise to the top of each, specific occasion.  Realistically, if we aim to improve and to be better than we were before, the world truly would become less of a chaotic pandemonium. 

Try it.

Live every Day

“People shouldn’t wait to live until they’re told they’re dying,” Leon said. “Go home and hug somebody and don’t wait to be told you have a disease that’s going to kill you. I ran my entire life and I was dumb enough to wait until I was told I was dying before I ran with my daughter.” - Iram Leon

http://offthebench.nbcsports.com/2013/03/15/man-wins-full-marathon-while-pushing-his-daughter-in-a-baby-stroller-video/

March in Eastern Montana

Absolutely!  On a treadmill with old episodes of 'Friends' showing.  Careful...belly laughs cause treadmill accidents. 

Falling short...maybe not

The training goal this week was to run 40 miles. I completed 32. An important part of training is knowing your body. Could I have completed 40 miles? Absolutely! But, it would have meant no recovery day. Recovery days are a must.

The previous week did not hold enough hours for me to get all my miles in. Work, family and friends are just as important as training and this week we held a fundraiser for an amazing group of young adults - the Fairview Boxing Club. When you surround yourself with positive, philanthropic people it easily raises you, as an individual, to greater ambitions. My miles next week are dedicated to those positive, philanthropic individuals in my life. I am Blessed to know you.

15 out of 24

I attended the 2012 'Live It Up' in Sidney, MT. The speaker talked about having 24 hours in a day and the health benefits of each of us taking 15 minutes of those 24 hours to walk. Think about that....how powerful is that?!!? 15 minutes just for you! 15 minutes of fresh air, clearing the brain, self meditating activity. You deserve it. Starting today, take 15 minutes, go for a walk and dedicate it to YOU Running Life!

Training Schedule

My training schedule started the week of February 11th. It had been a year since I had ran. Week one was 6 miles, then 24 miles then 28 miles; this week I am up to 40 miles. Throw in cross training 3 days a week plus the 100 pushup challenge and I am sleeping better than I have ever slept in my life!! HA!! If you are curious about the 100 pushup challenge, let me know and I will hook you up. After all, "tank top weather is right around the corner". (That's how I got sucked in)

Ultra

My first ultra, Bighorn Mountain 50M. When I registered, I was going to sign up for the 50K. Well, my luck, I procrastinated too long and the 50K was filled to capacity. REALLY??!! So, instead of finding another location, I just clicked over to the 50M. No big deal, right? It's only another 20 miles. That is how I rationalize.

New adventure

Well, onward to a new adventure... It started with the 50/50/50 Club (50 marathons in 50 states before age 50). Two friends, who have been friends since high school, were looking to achieve greatness and see the country while running - starting the year we turned 40. Naaaah....that is not entirely true. There was no deep thought going into the 50/50/50 club; we were just looking for an adventure and an excuse to hangout.

That was three and half years ago. Jump forward to 2013. We have successfully completed marathons in 13 states, spent a year on a roller derby team, and participated in a couple of obstacle course mud runs. I have attempted R3 twice (rim to rim to rim of the Grand Canyon). Patience started the 100 pushups challenge and together we have discovered through our adventure we are in charge of "RUNNING our LIFE"!

This year I will be conquering my first ultra marathon. Another adventure, another goal, another story to be able to share with my kids and grandkids. The truth be told, it's not about what the attempted feat is. What matters is each of us set a goal, breaking down the goal into achievable steps, and make the effort. I just happen to enjoy reaching goals that are on the extreme side.

What I hope you take away from my blog are these three things:
You are RUNNING your LIFE
Each of us is capable of more than what we think is possible
and a quote shared by a dear friend... "The only things in life you regret are the risks that you didn't take."

Now, let's get this adventure started!!